We recently had friends over for dinner, and I made my date squares.  They loved them - and asked for the recipe (which I’m always happy to pass on).  They’re so yummy - I thought I ‘d send it out to all of you as well.

They take about 10 minutes to make, and then bake - and are crazy easy to make.  The trick to mine is LOTS of dates.

Joy’s Date Squares

1997 (the first time I ever made them — yes, I keep track of this stuff).

1. Take a large container of dates, put them in a large pot, with enough water to *almost* cover them
2. Put the pot to boil
3. Once boiled, stir occasionally for 10 minutes (this softens them)
4. Remove from heat and cool
5. Once cool’ish, use a blender to blend them up, so they’re smoother

Meanwhile - make the topping and base:

* you can adjust the amount you make depending upon the size of the pan you have.  You can play around with it a bit, but generally:

1. 1/2 cup of margarine or butter
2. 1 cup of large flake (not instant) oatmeal
3. 1 cup of flour
4. 3/4 cup of brown sugar
5. You can add cinnamon / ginger / nutmeg, if you like that - I don’t because the kids don’t like these spices at all
6. Blend together.
7. Use 1/2 of mixture for the bottom of the pan, pressing it down into the pan firmly
8. Put the date mixture on top
9. Use the remaining oatmeal mixture and kind of “crumble” it over the top (looks nicer) and then lightly press it all down with your hand.

Bake at 350 degrees for 25-30 minutes (not too long or the bottom with burn - yuck).

Cool and eat and eat and eat … I like them for breakfast. I make them for my friend’s Dad – and she thinks he eats them for breakfast, lunch and supper!

And – as an added benefit – they’re very good for the * constitution *

To Immunize or not … for H1N1.

I believe in getting immunizations for the BIG ones, but I don’t believe in the flu shot, we’ll take Chicken Pox when it comes AND I have no intention of getting the vaccination for H1N1.

We eat whole foods that are mostly organic.  We take our vitamins (especially the C in winter). We wash our hands.  A lot.  Especially with the heightened awareness of H1N1.

Imagine how glad I was to receive these articles sent to me, outlining that you can protect yourself and your family as effectively (or moreso) with Vitamin D.  Now - I’m not a doctor or a health professional of any kind.  But (for those who know me - you know … ) I do like to pass on information and *sometimes* give advice.

So - here goes:

Increasing your daily intake of Vitamin D (and still eating good foods, and your other regular vitamins) will exponentially strengthen your system against H1N1.  Yes.  Really.

” … people with the worst vitamin D deficiency were … more likely to suffer respiratory infections {like H1N1} than those with sufficient levels, according to the research in this week’s Archives of Internal Medicine…”

You can get Vitamin D from some foods - but it’s virtually impossible to get enough of this powerful vitamin to protect you and your family this cold season.

The sun also gives you Vitamin D - but one of the disadvantages of living in Canada is that we do not get enough Vitamin D, year-round, from the sun, to do the job.

What to do?  Take it orally.  It’s quick.  It’s easy.  Your kids will take it.  It has the added benefit of helping you build stronger bones.  Check it out today at your local health food store and read up online and get informed!~

Vitamins vs. Vaccine for Swine Flu

Canadian Rearch on Vitamin D and H1N1

Vitamins to avoid Swine Flu

H1N1 - Vitamin D Council Report

Brad Pitt was once quoted as saying: “Breakfast is my favourite time of day.  With all 6 kids at the table and everyone talking at once, it’s chaotic.  I like to just sit back and enjoy the chaos”.

Well - it turns out that Brad and Angelina likely have a good thing going there, with a family that eats together.

Maybe you would like to see a return to the “good old days”?  A simpler time.  A time without kids being programmed every single waking minute of their little lives.  A time when food was prepared … cooked even … in something other than the microwave or a takeout container.

Well, believe it or not, a recent study has shown that a return to these simpler times my not only boost your child’s brain development, but help them make smart choices about drugs, alcohol and smoking.  Impossible!! you say?  Not … says I (and an article in the Globe & Mail).

The number one thing that you can do to help your kids grow into self-assured, balanced, smart youth is to eat supper together.  Yes.  Really.  It’s that simple.

“Eating as a family can protect children from all sorts of harm, experts say the bonding and connectedness that comes with regular family meals may positively influence the brain development of kids”.

When was the last time your family ate together?  This is really important folks.  And something that requires a bit of organizing (gotta love that crock pot), commitment, and cooperation - but it IS possible.  One of our boys has now started competitive hockey [yes, I caved.  and yes, he made the team - but that's a blog for another day].  Last week he was out the door for hockey over our regular supper hour, SO, we ate supper as a family at 4:30.  Impossible?  No.  Worth it?  Definitely.

Sure our kids are getting tonnes of developmental opportunities to learn every sport known to humankind AND art classes AND music and, and, and … but what they really need is THEIR FAMILY.  My sister-in-law once told me that as long as you keep looking your kids in the eye when they talk to you, you’ll always know where they’re at (physically and psychologically).

Ok -maybe it can’t be every single night, but let’s commit to our future generation of parents, leaders, business people, caregivers … who are our KIDS TODAY - have supper together more often in the week, than not.  It’s been proven.  Everyone will benefit for it and in a big way.  They are worth it.

Chewing Over the Benefits of a Family Meal - Globe & Mail article

As we come into the Fall Season and September (September!!??) I am shocked at how fast time is going by.  I can remember in Mr. Helseth’s class in grade 6, how it felt as if it would take forever for the time to pass from 3:00 - 3:15 … and now, I blink and it’s not July - it’s September!

So, back to school it is.  A time of year with such promise - new teachers, new grade.  My middle boy starts school - the beginning of his academic career that will likely span at leas 18 years! (yikes).  He is bright and eager and ready to learn.  We do the best we can with matchmaking with our kids’ teachers and are involved with the school to help as much as we can.

My husband and I drop him off at his little JK class, video camera in hand and a tear in my eye (ok - like a few tears in my eyes).  It’s hard to believe this sweet little boy is big enough to go to school - BUT - he is.  And, like every little boy, so very attached to his mom, our parting at this monumental stage of his life was … well … easy.   He basically rolled his eyes at me with a soft smile (at my unshed tears welling up in my eye).  Gave me a big hug and was off, without scarcely a glance back.

He is so ready to be in school, make new friends, and discover new challenges.  I guess, as his mom, I have a little catching up to do - but I’ll get there - eventually.

As my hubby and I walk back and reminisce about the day he was born and all his mini-life major milestones, we are astonished at how fast this has all happened.  And yet, I know, we will blink and it will be Christmas.  The older we get, the faster it goes.

Only 104 more shopping days til Christmas (just in case you’re keeping track - you need to get busy!)

Have I mentioned lately that we live in a lovely neighbourhood?  Great neighbours.  Helpful.  Supportive.  We are even blessed enough to live literally around the corner from my best friend.

When I had my third baby - the neighbour-women got busy:  cooking, baking and walking - all in the effort of making sure that my family ate and that I had a break as they took one or more kids out of the house for some fresh air and exercise.

My one girlfriend  in particular is sensitive to the weight and responsibility of raising three boys.  Well - she’s the mother of three boys herself (though her boys aren’t tiny anymore.  They are a strapping and handsome bunch at 11.5, 15 and 17 years old).  She really understands the challenges of getting three children under the age of 8 to bed in an evening - by yourself (my hubby was at work).  She’s walked that mile in my shoes.  She is the source of parenting advice and one that I have listened to through all the years we’ve been friends.

However.

I now have a piece of advice to share with this girlfriend of mine — and to all those other well-meaning friends:  take heed to what I am about to say (with a smile on my face and just a smidge of an “I told you so” tone of voice) …

LET SLEEPING BABIES LIE … in their cribs … on their own … in the dark … when they are sleeping.

I know that when you pop over, it would be oh-so-nice to have that sweet-smelling baby snuggle.  Feel those chubby little arms around your neck.  All that good stuff - yes, I get it.  But - when the mommy says:  he’s sleeping … he’s sleeping!

Funny story because my girlfriend (oh - let’s for the sake of this story call her The Godmommy) … The Godmommy popped by for a visit, mere minutes after putting not one BUT three of my children to bed, by myself (no small feat - let me tell you!).  The Godmommy asked, with those big blue eyes and that sad, pouty face … “Oh really?  Can I just pop up and say goodnight?”

Well - let me take you to the Coles Notes ending … baby woke up to have a lovely snug with his Godmommy … baby did not go back to sleep.  Party baby fussed and fussed until The Godmommy had to go up and release baby from the confines of his terrible crib AND … party baby was up until 10:00 PM!  (yes, 10 PM). Well intentioned - yes.  But I can definitely milk this one for a very (very) long time

So, I can finally share some parenting advice with my dear and experienced friend and mother of three boys:  (please) Let Sleeping Babies Lie!

This past weekend my 8-year old son had three-months of work and energy come to fruition.  After seeing Craig Kielburger speak (Free the Children - see link below)  in early May, my boy decided he wanted to raise enough to build a well for a village in Kenya.  He made a lovely flyer that he delivered to all the neighbours advertising a street sale and that he was accepting donations.  He set the date, worked out some advertising (with parent help, of course) and made (many many) posters to direct likely yard-salers to our street.

He stuffed grab-bags, collected donations and coerced friends and family to bake, face-paint and generally support this endeavour.  At 6:45 in the morning I took his picture, proudly standing in front of many tables of stuff awaiting the start of the sale.  He looked over at me proudly and said “I’ve waited so long for this day”.

Wow - I looked at him with tears in my eyes.  Yes he had.  And worked hard.  And sacrificed (first round competitive hockey tryouts ended up being at exactly the same time as the Street Sale and so he missed them).

Later that night, with friends and family around for a neighbourhood bar-b-que he came over to me, quietly hugged me and said “This has been a great day”.  Indeed.

It’s impossible to know the long-term impact that social giving and global awareness will have on him, after organizing something like this.  He still has a ways to go to raise the money needed for a well.  But - he understands and can explain to you why it’s important for kids to have clean water.  And why we need to do what we can so that all children have a chance to drink clean water.

On a larger scale - as parents - let’s try to take some time to talk to our kids about all those other children who need.  I don’t think our kids need to hear about how “they have so much, and others have so little” - though it’s true.  We can, though, activate our kids to learn a bit about children in another country and what those kids need to be able to learn; to live; to be healthy. THEN - most children will want to do something.  Their wonderful minds and spirits tell them - we can do something about this.  We will do something about this.

And so, we adults in their lives, need to then help them to realize this vision of helping others.  However we can.  As often as possible.  There are lots of life lessons learned in planning a Street Sale that benefits other kids.  Why not take some time for your family to pick one thing that matters to you, and then make a plan to make a change.

MeToWe and Free the Children have great resources to help you along this journey.  As a family - you can work together, or let your child take the lead and support them.  Only good can come from this.  Do it today.

http://www.freethechildren.com/

http://metowe.com/

It really does.  I remember being struck by how much of an adjustment it was to have children.  Wonderful-yes.  But adjustment nonetheless.  Initially new parents cope by seeking out other people to help them (or, in a wonderful world, those people come offering to help … ).  This is the beginning of the village in raising your new baby (and helping you in the process, as a resident villager).

Many people over the years have commented on how very much boys in our community need their village to participate in raising them.  And the “village” doesn’t specifically have to do with the people living in your home or next door.  The village is really everyone who is actively involved in their lives.  And, of course, in this day-and-age, our definition of family is changing for the better as well - to include more than just blood-relatives.  It’s good friends, teachers, neighbours:  you know, those folks that are just like family only you’re not specifically related to them.

I will talk more about Villages in the future - but for today, I’d like to post this article on Grandparents.  How very important Grandparents are.  And you know what?  These can specifically be your parents / your partner’s parents, but it’s also those “older” folks that have a strong and positive relationship with your kids.  As an example, both of our sets of parents live out of town (and we miss them dearly, and wish they were closer … but that’s another day).

We have been truly blessed with friends (married, 55′ish and live nearby) who love our boys and are a wonderful grandparent-type to them.  They took them camping for the first time in their lives; hiking; throw them in the pool; and (most recently) were the arms outstretched when the baby took his very first steps (!!!).  Most importantly, they love them and hug them and let the boys know that they are special people in their world.  And yes - they teach them.

Enjoy the attached article and let me know what you think.

The Importance of Grandparents

Well - Oprah has her list - and so now I have mine too.  I don’t usually blog about other products or sites, but I’ll tell you about these two that are my new favourites:

www.joytshirt.com

I found this site online while researching a children’s aid organization called MeToWe.

On this site you get to pick out an original sketched t-shirt with the picture and a short bio of some other person that is around the world.

THEN - once you receive your t-shirt, you can upload an image of your choice and it will become someone else’s original T around the globe.  And the best part is that proceeds from the shirt go to a great organization:  Free the Children.

Ok - my next favourite new site and products are:

http://lifewithoutplastic.com

This is a lovely company out of Wakefield PQ that I heard of from my sister-in-law.  Every day, I try new ways to decrease the amount of a) chemicals and toxins and b) non-biodegradeable waste.  These products help me do both!  I ordered the baby dish set (adorable, well made), cereal bowls (a little on the small size for cereal [given how much cereal my boys eat] - but perfect for their salad or fruit for dessert) and the snack containers (lovelovelove them).

Customer service and fulfillment time were awesome.  Both delivered in paper (not plastic) - woohoo.  Prices are reasonable for the quality you’re receiving.

Check them out - let me know what you think.

Cheers and happy shopping!

One of the ongoing and interesting conversations between my dear husband and I, is whether or not our 8-year old son should play competitive-level sport.

“WHAT??…” you might say … “they have competitive level sports for kids that young?”

Oh yes they do!  And I have been pretty vocal (when asked) about saying that I think this is too young for kids to be labeled as playing ‘competitive sport’.  They have to try-out and be deemed “good enough” to make the team.  And then - hockey or baseball - they’re on the ice/diamond 4 times a week (!!).

They’re kids.  Shouldn’t they be off doing kid-stuff, like playing and riding their bikes and - well - playing?  Isn’t this putting a higher-than-needed level of competition and expectations on them, that is not only unfair and unnecessary but unhealthy?

Well - that was my opinion.  AND I’m sticking to it.  Well … mostly.

Here’s the dilemma.  We believe that kids and sports are a healthy combination.  Each of our boys plays one main sport / season and then in-between they get exposure to other sports and stuff.  So, for instance, our 8-year old plays hockey in the winter, baseball in the summer and the in-between season (spring) he played volleyball, through a great introductory PUC program.

Ok - so - we agree:  sport is good.  However, hubby and I disagree on the level of sport.  He thinks competitive is good for kids this age if they have the talent.  I think not so very good (please see above for reasons why).

This summer our boy played baseball - houseleague (even though we were asked a number of times if he wanted to tryout for competitive … he’d be really good in competitive … ).  I held to my guns.

In a conversation when talking to my dear hubby, I commented on how unhappy I was with the level and calibre of coaching our son is receiving this season.  And there you have it!~  Hubby very nicely pointed out that this is the key difference between HL and competitive.  That - and the number of times they play - which greatly increases their practice and exposure to skill-building of the sport.

So - what to do?  Hockey season is fast-approaching (yes, I know it’s only the end of July, but we’re going to blink and it will be October).  Allow him to try-out for competitive hockey and see if he makes it - and then live with the schedule - or keep him in HL and (as someone once said to me at my babyshower for said-son-to-be) “strive for mediocrity”.

What do you think?

I’m at rookieball today, and my eldest son has a game.  So - these kids are about 6-8 years old.  Still little people (in my opinion) but finding their way …

It’s beginning to rain, but this is a make-up game for one that was cancelled earlier in the summer (rain, of course - seems like this is the summer of eternal rain on baseball nights)  so they’re going to try to squeeze in as many innings as possible.

One little guy gets up to bat, swings his heart out, but doesn’t connect.  As the only two spectator parents in the crowd for our team, I’m coincidentally sitting beside his mom.  He’s out.  No hit. And he’s devastated (he’s probably 7 years old).  He comes off the diamond and you can see in his face that he’s so utterly disappointed.  He’s heading towards his mom.  His eyes well up with tears.  I so feel for this little guy and just want to hug him.  His mother says:  “No - don’t start.  You know what happens if you cry.”

So - I respond, instinctively, trying to break this energy by saying “that’s ok buddy - you can try again.  It’s hard to hit in the rain”.  He’s looking at his mom and getting more upset “but I just wanted to hit the ball.  I just wanted to hit it.”.

His mom says ” that’s it - you know what happens when you cry.  Get your stuff and get in the car.”  And so it begins.  This makes him more upset - likely because he is embarrassed, having super-intense emotions AND he doesn’t want to leave his team, his game.

She turns to me and very reasonably says:  “he has to stop crying.  So we’ve told him - if he crys, no matter where we are, we leave”.  “Really?”  I venture to say.  “In our house, we are taking the opposite approach.  One of my boys holds his feelings in so much, it makes his stomach and his head hurt.  It’s good if they cry.”

I (of course) want to give this boy a big hug, build up his confidence in himself and send him out again … I can’t believe this is her parenting strategy.

She looks at me like I’m nuts, and leaves the diamond, her 7-year old little boy, crying and trailing behind her.  And believe it or not, this is not the first time I’ve seen this happen.  It happened about a month ago - with a 4-year old boy, on the TBall diamond.  Four years old!  He was crying and mom was threatening him with going home, if he didn’t stop.

So - here I have two thoughts.  First:  Why can’t boys cry?  How old is too old to cry?  When we teach our boys to hold in their emotions and not find a constructive outlet for them (which should be their parent’s arms and then a conversation to help them work through what they’re feeling) we are not giving them effective tools and strategies to carry them into their older years.  Guess what? That bottled up, pushed down emotion will come out some day / some time.  Likely in aggression and anger at themselves and/or at others around them.

Second:  Is it about the child’s feelings or the parent’s?  Are parents so uncomfortable with their own emotions, that they can’t handle the display of feelings in their own child?  Or are they simply embarrassed?  Well, in my experience - likely both are true.  Is it hard to work through our own acquired emotional baggage so we can help our kids be healthier?  Hell yes.  It’s hard.  But it’s the right thing to do.  Otherwise we run the risk of recreating all the stuff we grew up with that was not as healthy as it could have been.

And is it embarrassing when our child is crying in public?  Is it hard when they’re not doing what we’ve planned and what we want them to do at that particular time?  Hell yes.  But truly, how would you feel if you were having a bad day - completely devastated about something - brought you to tears - and then you go to the person you trust the most with those feelings (partner, parent, friend) and they embarrassed you further, and then marched you out to the car - all the while telling you not to cry.

Hmmm … not so good.  I’m getting a tight feeling in my chest just thinking about it.  Take 10 seconds.  Put yourself in their shoes.  What are they feeling?  What do they need?  Sometimes we don’t have to have the answers at all.  Sometimes they just want a hug and to know that you love them.  Even though they just struck-out in baseball.

Children need to cry.  Boys especially need to cry.  Give them a safe and warm place to do it.  Once the crying is out, then help them sort through how they’re feeling.  You’ll both feel better for it.