My middle-boy is in JK.  He is quickly learning what is ok and not-ok within the institution of higher-learning.  He is an energetic, sweet, funny, caring boy … who  hit and kicked his buddy in the school ground yesterday, when they were playing.

I was not there - but here’s what I understand to have happened.  He and two other boys were playing CloneWars.  ASIDE: For those of you  not in the loop:  this is an animated show that has come from Star Wars origins, and, to say it’s huge in our house is a gross understatement.  It’s well written, exciting and we typically watch it as a family.  BUT it is violent (as in: there is a war, there are guns and light-sabres, good guys and bad guys).  And N loves it!  It is a part of his imaginary play every day.  And it’s not all violence.  There are good lessons taught in each show, and good fodder for discussion afterwards.

Ok - back to what happened.  Three boys playing, running, shooting, playing CloneWars.  They see their big brothers coming out of the school.  They run to those big brothers (and further away from their adults), they get into some sort of kafuffle, and N hits his buddy in the face and kicks him in the leg. I hear about all this when N gets home.

I could go into all the details - but I won’t.  This email is about “How do we handle this” … and trying to determine how big a deal it is.

Here’s what I think.  Three boys were running off end-of-the-schoolday steam and playing a make-believe game.  They are 4 and 5 years old.  Many research studies have been done to show that kids this age have very little cognitive ability to connect cause:effect and they are virtually and completely NOT able to separate fantasy from reality.  Really.  This is true.

The game got out of hand.  When I asked N why he hit his friend, he looked at me and said (very reasonably):  “Because he wouldn’t stop running.  We were CloneTroopers”.

First of all - as that parent whose child has hurt another child:  I’m mortified.  Embarassed.  Upset.  Concerned.  I feel all of this for his friend AND for my own child.  Is this the beginning of bullying behaviour?  Is my sweet, caring and sensitive boy suddenly going to become a terror in the playground?  How would I feel if I was the parent of the other child?

Then - I had to check all that at the door.  Yes.  I feel those things and that’s natural.

In the end - his intent was not malicious.  He’s not a violent kid by nature.  Truly, I believe that this game they were playing got out of hand.  And someone got hurt.  It could have been any of the three boys that got hurt - but it was my boy that did the hurting this time.

So what to do?  At this age (and for this boy) consequences are not particularly effective (remember - because that whole cause:effect piece is not wired yet in kids this age).

1. We talked to him - short sentences; clear message:  no hitting.  no kicking.
2. His Sensi (karate teacher) talked to him.
3. I’ve talked to the teacher and principal (I have suggested that *if* anything like this should happen again, he should get the full-meal-deal on punishment to scare the jeepers out of him and have a longlasting memory).
4. We remind him, just before play.
5. And we’re suggesting that either they no longer play CloneWars or that the CloneTroopers are peaceful guys who work together to help eachother out.

In the end, I hope that N is still allowed to play with his buddy.  I hope that the parents understand and are ok (sometimes the effects of these interactions last longer on us than the kids - and we apply adult-experienced judgements on kids - that kids don’t initially deserve).  I can only hope that I can be as gracious and forgiving as I’m hoping these parents will be, when it’s my kid that’s been hit in the playground.  Hope.

We recently had friends over for dinner, and I made my date squares.  They loved them - and asked for the recipe (which I’m always happy to pass on).  They’re so yummy - I thought I ‘d send it out to all of you as well.

They take about 10 minutes to make, and then bake - and are crazy easy to make.  The trick to mine is LOTS of dates.

Joy’s Date Squares

1997 (the first time I ever made them — yes, I keep track of this stuff).

1. Take a large container of dates, put them in a large pot, with enough water to *almost* cover them
2. Put the pot to boil
3. Once boiled, stir occasionally for 10 minutes (this softens them)
4. Remove from heat and cool
5. Once cool’ish, use a blender to blend them up, so they’re smoother

Meanwhile - make the topping and base:

* you can adjust the amount you make depending upon the size of the pan you have.  You can play around with it a bit, but generally:

1. 1/2 cup of margarine or butter
2. 1 cup of large flake (not instant) oatmeal
3. 1 cup of flour
4. 3/4 cup of brown sugar
5. You can add cinnamon / ginger / nutmeg, if you like that - I don’t because the kids don’t like these spices at all
6. Blend together.
7. Use 1/2 of mixture for the bottom of the pan, pressing it down into the pan firmly
8. Put the date mixture on top
9. Use the remaining oatmeal mixture and kind of “crumble” it over the top (looks nicer) and then lightly press it all down with your hand.

Bake at 350 degrees for 25-30 minutes (not too long or the bottom with burn - yuck).

Cool and eat and eat and eat … I like them for breakfast. I make them for my friend’s Dad – and she thinks he eats them for breakfast, lunch and supper!

And – as an added benefit – they’re very good for the * constitution *

Brad Pitt was once quoted as saying: “Breakfast is my favourite time of day.  With all 6 kids at the table and everyone talking at once, it’s chaotic.  I like to just sit back and enjoy the chaos”.

Well - it turns out that Brad and Angelina likely have a good thing going there, with a family that eats together.

Maybe you would like to see a return to the “good old days”?  A simpler time.  A time without kids being programmed every single waking minute of their little lives.  A time when food was prepared … cooked even … in something other than the microwave or a takeout container.

Well, believe it or not, a recent study has shown that a return to these simpler times my not only boost your child’s brain development, but help them make smart choices about drugs, alcohol and smoking.  Impossible!! you say?  Not … says I (and an article in the Globe & Mail).

The number one thing that you can do to help your kids grow into self-assured, balanced, smart youth is to eat supper together.  Yes.  Really.  It’s that simple.

“Eating as a family can protect children from all sorts of harm, experts say the bonding and connectedness that comes with regular family meals may positively influence the brain development of kids”.

When was the last time your family ate together?  This is really important folks.  And something that requires a bit of organizing (gotta love that crock pot), commitment, and cooperation - but it IS possible.  One of our boys has now started competitive hockey [yes, I caved.  and yes, he made the team - but that's a blog for another day].  Last week he was out the door for hockey over our regular supper hour, SO, we ate supper as a family at 4:30.  Impossible?  No.  Worth it?  Definitely.

Sure our kids are getting tonnes of developmental opportunities to learn every sport known to humankind AND art classes AND music and, and, and … but what they really need is THEIR FAMILY.  My sister-in-law once told me that as long as you keep looking your kids in the eye when they talk to you, you’ll always know where they’re at (physically and psychologically).

Ok -maybe it can’t be every single night, but let’s commit to our future generation of parents, leaders, business people, caregivers … who are our KIDS TODAY - have supper together more often in the week, than not.  It’s been proven.  Everyone will benefit for it and in a big way.  They are worth it.

Chewing Over the Benefits of a Family Meal - Globe & Mail article

As we come into the Fall Season and September (September!!??) I am shocked at how fast time is going by.  I can remember in Mr. Helseth’s class in grade 6, how it felt as if it would take forever for the time to pass from 3:00 - 3:15 … and now, I blink and it’s not July - it’s September!

So, back to school it is.  A time of year with such promise - new teachers, new grade.  My middle boy starts school - the beginning of his academic career that will likely span at leas 18 years! (yikes).  He is bright and eager and ready to learn.  We do the best we can with matchmaking with our kids’ teachers and are involved with the school to help as much as we can.

My husband and I drop him off at his little JK class, video camera in hand and a tear in my eye (ok - like a few tears in my eyes).  It’s hard to believe this sweet little boy is big enough to go to school - BUT - he is.  And, like every little boy, so very attached to his mom, our parting at this monumental stage of his life was … well … easy.   He basically rolled his eyes at me with a soft smile (at my unshed tears welling up in my eye).  Gave me a big hug and was off, without scarcely a glance back.

He is so ready to be in school, make new friends, and discover new challenges.  I guess, as his mom, I have a little catching up to do - but I’ll get there - eventually.

As my hubby and I walk back and reminisce about the day he was born and all his mini-life major milestones, we are astonished at how fast this has all happened.  And yet, I know, we will blink and it will be Christmas.  The older we get, the faster it goes.

Only 104 more shopping days til Christmas (just in case you’re keeping track - you need to get busy!)

One of the ongoing and interesting conversations between my dear husband and I, is whether or not our 8-year old son should play competitive-level sport.

“WHAT??…” you might say … “they have competitive level sports for kids that young?”

Oh yes they do!  And I have been pretty vocal (when asked) about saying that I think this is too young for kids to be labeled as playing ‘competitive sport’.  They have to try-out and be deemed “good enough” to make the team.  And then - hockey or baseball - they’re on the ice/diamond 4 times a week (!!).

They’re kids.  Shouldn’t they be off doing kid-stuff, like playing and riding their bikes and - well - playing?  Isn’t this putting a higher-than-needed level of competition and expectations on them, that is not only unfair and unnecessary but unhealthy?

Well - that was my opinion.  AND I’m sticking to it.  Well … mostly.

Here’s the dilemma.  We believe that kids and sports are a healthy combination.  Each of our boys plays one main sport / season and then in-between they get exposure to other sports and stuff.  So, for instance, our 8-year old plays hockey in the winter, baseball in the summer and the in-between season (spring) he played volleyball, through a great introductory PUC program.

Ok - so - we agree:  sport is good.  However, hubby and I disagree on the level of sport.  He thinks competitive is good for kids this age if they have the talent.  I think not so very good (please see above for reasons why).

This summer our boy played baseball - houseleague (even though we were asked a number of times if he wanted to tryout for competitive … he’d be really good in competitive … ).  I held to my guns.

In a conversation when talking to my dear hubby, I commented on how unhappy I was with the level and calibre of coaching our son is receiving this season.  And there you have it!~  Hubby very nicely pointed out that this is the key difference between HL and competitive.  That - and the number of times they play - which greatly increases their practice and exposure to skill-building of the sport.

So - what to do?  Hockey season is fast-approaching (yes, I know it’s only the end of July, but we’re going to blink and it will be October).  Allow him to try-out for competitive hockey and see if he makes it - and then live with the schedule - or keep him in HL and (as someone once said to me at my babyshower for said-son-to-be) “strive for mediocrity”.

What do you think?

You can feel it in the air.  Gosh, sometimes you can actually smell it in the air.  I can see it in the faces of my 8-year old’s teachers as they send kids off at the end of the school day.  See it in the faces of those children – mine maybe a little bit more than the others.  Yes, folks, it’s nearly summer-vacation.  Hard to believe (I’m still in denial that we’re in the month of June).

For some crazy reason, homework is still coming home (really? Yes really).  And there is a crazy energy in my boy that can only be described as his anticipation of the end of school.  I remember years ago, my girlfriend (who also has three boys) used to tell me about taking an extra deep breath at this time of year.  Extra patience.  Extra time. Extra encouragement.  Because they’re going to act out, throw tempers, and who knows what else.  True – so true.

Our boys want to be done school – so badly – to feel the sunshine on their faces and do all the summertime things boys do.  And yet – I think they are also, at a very young age, aware of the passage of time.  School is done.  Grade 3 is done (woohoo).  It is passage from one period of their lives to another.  Really?  Do they think that much?  I think they do – BUT – I don’t think they’re able to articulate it as such. 

So instead they act out.  Get cheeky.  Have a temper.  Slam a door.  Take all those feelings that they can’t quite put words to – and have it come out in an explosive act of … something.  And so, when faced with this time of year – I smile – take a deep breath.  Maybe count to 12 instead of 10.  And then wrap my arms around his little body and hold him for as long as he needs.  He lets go first. 

Sure, I could get into extra long conversations about how wonderful it is to be nearly done, and how he must be feeling like he’s going to miss his friend / class / routine / teacher (?) and how exciting it will be to have new adventures and experiences …

But – I don’t.  Just hug him.  And cut him a smidgeon big of extra slack.  Because I understand why he’s acting this way.  Even if he doesn’t.